By not putting flowers to my mothers tomb means i never loved her? even if i was with her even in her illness?

I called my dad to P.R. to thank him for the gift he sent me, I live in Tx., and the answer i got from him was: %26quot; You know, you have no love for your mother!, you never put flowers on her tomb!, and your sister and i always do. you have no heart!%26quot;. those were his words. Imagine how i felt. The truth is that my mom had cancer, and my dad rejected her, treat and while she was sick. He made her do lunch for some nurses in his job(hospital), and i found out he was with a nurse younger than me. After moms death he was living with the nurse. And my sister, made her suffer until death, and i was the only one with my mom till death,. And i was the one that took care of her, listening to her when she asked for my sister or dad. I said that i gave her all the love while she was alive. And before she died, she said she didn%26#039;t want flowers after she died. I feel so sad. even tho i know my mom is not dead, she%26#039;s alive, cause she was a christian. I have all the beautiful memories of her. Help me.

By not putting flowers to my mothers tomb means i never loved her? even if i was with her even in her illness?
I think you know the answer to the question. It is obvious you loved her a lot. I can%26#039;t say you loved her more than your sister and dad because that isn%26#039;t something you can rate. But I can tell you put a lot more time and effort than your sister and dad and I think your dad is just trying to make himself seem the better person by putting flowers on your mums grave.





It%26#039;s nice to put flowers on someones grave but if your mum asked for no flowers then you have no obligation to, (not that you would have if she didn%26#039;t ask for no flowers.) anyway, i can see you%26#039;re hurt by your dads actions but don%26#039;t get down, you loved your mum and it doesn%26#039;t make a difference how many flowers you put on her grave.





God bless.
Reply:Don%26#039;t feel guilty, because you haven%26#039;t done anything wrong. Many people don%26#039;t put flowers on graves. That doesn%26#039;t mean they didn%26#039;t love their relatives.





Don%26#039;t pay an attention to things like that that your dad says. You can honor your mom just by lighting a candle once in awhile in your home. Your mom knew you loved her. You were a very good daughter.
Reply:He%26#039;s putting you down because he needs an outlet to unleash his frustration and he%26#039;s chosen you.





You know that you loved your mother and that%26#039;s all that realy counts. Inside I%26#039;m sure he%26#039;s frustrated, your frustrated, your whole family must be frustrated.





Nobody can truly judge your love except you.
Reply:You don%26#039;t have to put flowers on your mom%26#039;s tombstone to show your love. Your mom already knows you love her and miss her.
Reply:That is all you need and who says that you have to put flowers out on a stone to love someone. They are with us everyday and we all have our own way of remembering the person we have lost. Don%26#039;t allow your fathers guilt to affect you because maybe he needs to find a way to deal with how he lives with his regret. Be Strong and know God blessed you with a mother like you had and he continues to bless us when we don%26#039;t even notice. If anything pray for your dad and sister and stay true to your heart. God bless you
Reply:Your Right.....


She%26#039;s not there...she in Heaven....She sees you and hears you and probably hangs out with you.....


She also knows what her husband has been doing since she%26#039;s left here to be in Heaven.....And, she knows what your sister is doing .....


There%26#039;s nothing she doesn%26#039;t see or hear when someone speaks out loud....





Your dad and sister are doing the guilt~trip thing !!


I know it hurts you when your dad says this stuff to you....But, it%26#039;s his guilt... that he has to deal with...not being there for her ...when he should of....


And, your sister too.......You also hear...I should of went to see her....I should of spent time taking care of her...etc...





Tell, your Dad.....I don%26#039;t have to put flowers on mom%26#039;s tomb for her to know that I love her....And, mom knows that !!
Reply:Maybe they%26#039;re feeling guilty about how they treated her and put flowers on her grave all the time, whereas you helped her when she was ill and was there for her and you showed her love that way. They may be jealous because all your last times with her were pleasant and theirs were not and they%26#039;re blaming you because they feel guilty about how they treated her and weren%26#039;t there for her like you were. Flowers on a grave are nice but they dont mean you love or dont love your mother. Feel proud that she knew you loved her by being there for her and dont worry what they think. {hugs}



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