I'm helping my best friend plan her wedding and the theme is Tiffany's Blue but I don't want to get to "themey" with the tiffany's jewelery boxes.
Were also looking at having it near an inground pool.
any ideas would help. other colors, flowers, gifts, WOW I NEED TONS OF HELP hahaha thank you all!
Tiffany Blue Poolside wedding Ideas?
Check out these site.... They have a lot of cute ideas for Tiffany Blue themes... my favorite is the Tiffany Blue Drinks..Perfect for Poolside!
http://budgetdreamweddings.com/weddingpl...
http://www.nycityweddings.com/chat/topic...
Reply:Honestly, rethink the "theme". Blue is not a theme, it is a color. Perhaps she might want to incorporate her color into a sea side theme? Just a thought.
Reply:I have always wanted to get married near a pool - I'm not, but I would have if I could have found a place! I think that it would look great if you put floating candles and rose petals in the water. It would look so romantic at night. I think the blue color would look really pretty with white flowers.
Reply:I would do white, tiffany blue and red. Those are the color ribbons they use. Sound soooo romantic. I want my husband to paint my bedroom in Tiffany Blue
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Saturday, July 25, 2009
My wife refuses to give me any attention after 11 years of marriage. Should I stay & keep hoping or just go.?
We are married 11 years %26amp; we have 3 wonderfull kids. Our 6 year old girl has problems (was diognosed with depression %26amp; we were both at each others throats %26amp; then she got pregnant with twins. Had sex 3 times that year %26amp; we were cut off in the middle of the last time we had sex. She got pregnant %26amp; I made the mistake of saying are you sure it was mine because I have been cheated on in other relationships. I snapped out of that mode, changed my attitude but she put up a wall toward me %26amp; ever since has told me that she cannot trust me. That was 4 years ago , I have never cheated %26amp; I love her %26amp; my twin boys so much. She refuses theropy. She doen't give me any attention I feel unwanted. She says she wouldn't blame me if I cheated on her. We have sex but she never starts it. I buy her flowers, gifts treat her great.
She says shes not sure if things will ever change. Should I stick it out or find another relationship. What should I do. I love her so much but she won't open up, 4 yrs help
My wife refuses to give me any attention after 11 years of marriage. Should I stay %26amp; keep hoping or just go.?
I wouldn't just "go" but I wouldn't just hope either. Hope won't change a thing. She seems very tortured. My guess would be that a parent or parents were alcoholic or abusive. My suggestion would be to make an appointment with a counselor, and tell your wife, and ask her to go with you. Tell her about the appointment after reviewing your situation which you've just described. Let her know that you are concerned about her and your relationship and that you really want her to go. If she goes, there will probably be quite a wall for the counselor to break through and she'll need to go as an inidividual.
Put the money for gifts and flowers in you pocket they won't do anything for her because deep down inside she "knows" she is ugly, worthless, and an overall bad person.
Reply:Move on, Do it for the children. They should not grow up in a home without love.
Reply:u r doing ur best now its her chance try 2 talk 2 her and ask her what she really wants
Reply:life is too short to wait and you have been wasting too much time, be a hero and find yourself a new life.
Reply:you both need to go to couple's counseling. if she refuses then you need to explain how important physical relations are in a marriage. if she won't budge, then ask if you can go outside of your marriage to get some.
Reply:things won't change. what you see is what you get. leave before you get sick and get your children sick as well. this isn't healthy you need to move on.
Reply:Her whole attitude changed b/c of what you said? I find that hard to believe. I mean, I would be mad that you said that but - I think there is more to the problem then you are letting on.
I think you should try to stick with it if you love her so much. Let her know that you are going to be by her side thru the good and the bad. Good luck!
Reply:If she refuses therapy and is not prepared to meet you even halfway with your needs it is time to rethink your relationship. Explain how you feel to her (if she will let you without blowing up) and try as hard as you can to mend things but if the answer is still the same it is time to move on. Don't waste your life being a martyr it is too short to throw away.
Reply:So sorry to hear that! I think from the sound of things she may have given up and if she is refusing counseling then maybe you should go your own way. Women r so difficult I know i am one..Have you tried communication..that is so important to women BUT make sure you r the listener..and dont talk unless she ask u a question..or pauses and looks like she needs feedback..Good luck to you!
Reply:What is her problem?? u made one comment 4 yrs ago, I wouldn't' cheat on her because 2 wrongs don't make a right
no matter what some people may say. my advice just get a divorce and move on so u can begin to heal, because as long as your with her that will not happen. u don't mention how old u r, this also is a factor. If u r older I can understand u staying, but if u r younger, move on with life. u need to live not exist. u need to set her down and tell her what u r going to do and why, u owe it to yourself. and remember, u will get to see your kids so don't let them be the reason that u stay, u owe it to yourself for a normal life with a loving wife. also if u want 2 try some more 2 make it work I suggest going to counseling. If she loves u she will go, if not there is nothing there 2 save. I wish u the best and hope things work out for u.
super nanny
She says shes not sure if things will ever change. Should I stick it out or find another relationship. What should I do. I love her so much but she won't open up, 4 yrs help
My wife refuses to give me any attention after 11 years of marriage. Should I stay %26amp; keep hoping or just go.?
I wouldn't just "go" but I wouldn't just hope either. Hope won't change a thing. She seems very tortured. My guess would be that a parent or parents were alcoholic or abusive. My suggestion would be to make an appointment with a counselor, and tell your wife, and ask her to go with you. Tell her about the appointment after reviewing your situation which you've just described. Let her know that you are concerned about her and your relationship and that you really want her to go. If she goes, there will probably be quite a wall for the counselor to break through and she'll need to go as an inidividual.
Put the money for gifts and flowers in you pocket they won't do anything for her because deep down inside she "knows" she is ugly, worthless, and an overall bad person.
Reply:Move on, Do it for the children. They should not grow up in a home without love.
Reply:u r doing ur best now its her chance try 2 talk 2 her and ask her what she really wants
Reply:life is too short to wait and you have been wasting too much time, be a hero and find yourself a new life.
Reply:you both need to go to couple's counseling. if she refuses then you need to explain how important physical relations are in a marriage. if she won't budge, then ask if you can go outside of your marriage to get some.
Reply:things won't change. what you see is what you get. leave before you get sick and get your children sick as well. this isn't healthy you need to move on.
Reply:Her whole attitude changed b/c of what you said? I find that hard to believe. I mean, I would be mad that you said that but - I think there is more to the problem then you are letting on.
I think you should try to stick with it if you love her so much. Let her know that you are going to be by her side thru the good and the bad. Good luck!
Reply:If she refuses therapy and is not prepared to meet you even halfway with your needs it is time to rethink your relationship. Explain how you feel to her (if she will let you without blowing up) and try as hard as you can to mend things but if the answer is still the same it is time to move on. Don't waste your life being a martyr it is too short to throw away.
Reply:So sorry to hear that! I think from the sound of things she may have given up and if she is refusing counseling then maybe you should go your own way. Women r so difficult I know i am one..Have you tried communication..that is so important to women BUT make sure you r the listener..and dont talk unless she ask u a question..or pauses and looks like she needs feedback..Good luck to you!
Reply:What is her problem?? u made one comment 4 yrs ago, I wouldn't' cheat on her because 2 wrongs don't make a right
no matter what some people may say. my advice just get a divorce and move on so u can begin to heal, because as long as your with her that will not happen. u don't mention how old u r, this also is a factor. If u r older I can understand u staying, but if u r younger, move on with life. u need to live not exist. u need to set her down and tell her what u r going to do and why, u owe it to yourself. and remember, u will get to see your kids so don't let them be the reason that u stay, u owe it to yourself for a normal life with a loving wife. also if u want 2 try some more 2 make it work I suggest going to counseling. If she loves u she will go, if not there is nothing there 2 save. I wish u the best and hope things work out for u.
super nanny
Are there any laws to protect a lady from mental harassment?see details!?
A male forces and annoys his female friend in different ways.He is NOT letting her to BREAK the terms.He harass her mentally NOT SEXUALLY.He forces her to do whatever he likes ,he forces her to go with him anywhere he want.LADY HAS DENIED TO GO AHEAD WITH TERMS BUT HE STILL CALLS THE GIRL,sends flowers ,gifts, respectfull greeting cards AND COME TO MEET AND TALK AT HER WORK PLACE.Lady dont want to keep any terms with him now but he is not allowing her to do so. Lady want to call police but on what basis they will punish his male friend ?She is in trouble ,please let her know are there any laws to protect a lady from the mental harassment?
Are there any laws to protect a lady from mental harassment?see details!?
Now first read this: - Whoever threatens another with any injury to his person, reputation or property, or to the person or reputation of any one in whom that person is interested, with intent to cause alarm to that person, or to cause that person to do any act which he is not legally bound to do, or to omit to do any act which that person is legally entitled to do, as the means of avoiding the execution of such threat, commits criminal intimidation.
This fellow has been harassing you %26amp; making you to go out with him even on your refusal but still he continues all this don't you think he is committing criminal intimidation as defined above? If you think he is then this man can be charged for Criminal Intimidation under section 506 of the Indian Penal Code. So what for you are waiting make a complaint against him for criminal intimidation under section 506 IPC. But mind you this man is crazy for you %26amp; I feel loves you so give a second thought to this too!
Reply:She can go to Police, Councillor, Parents, Friends etc. for assistance in mental harassment.
Reply:he is stalking her call victim witness program get a restraining order press stalking charges
Reply:yep go hire an attorney, and sue the pants off him
Reply:he is courting,listen to him,tell him u do not like him.
Reply:go visit the local police and request a restraining order against him . If he breaks the terms of the order the police can arrest him at once .
if your workplace has any security tell them this guy is harrasing you and request that they dont let him in .
Reply:Go see a lawyer, tell him she will see a lawyer if he does not let her alone. She does not have to tell him any thing just see a lawyer. But for old time shake she may try this first then follow thru if he does not get it.
Reply:The only solution is to break the friendship. Still she is harassed. She may give complaint to the police.
Reply:Ok, your English is barely legible but it sounds like what this guy is doing is called STALKING in the U.S. The lady can report it to the police and get a restraining order against him. With a restraining order, he can be arrested if he contacts her or comes near her again.
Reply:Obviously the harasser is not the lawfully wedded spouse of the victim. So common law under IPC applies for 'indecent behaviour with intent to outrage the modesty of a woman. It is better to lodge a complaint of stalking in an All-Women Police Station, if one is available at your place or take the assistance of women's activist groups at your place. But, if there is no indecent behaviour at all, then a firm rebuke in the present of bold witnesses, may be friends, colleagues or relatives coupled with threat to lodge police complaint may provide reprieve. Continued stalking may give reason for action as suggested above. Remember, once you approach the police and an FIR is lodged, you must be prepared to spend your time and energy for recoding your statements, appear several times in the court, during trial to testify as a prosecution witness, till the court convicts the offender. No protection can be expected from harassment indirectly or vengeful action during bail period or after conviction. Societal pressure rather by women NGOs would be of better remedy.
Reply:yes there is...stalking...harassment...threating..... know what i'm talking about cuz i've been tho it...It can get physiical very easyly...She needs to call police asap and yes...Most of what he has done is fedural so call police and depending on the state well me the punishment etc...CALL THE POLICE...now she has to press charges...and only her unless she under 18 then her parents do...CALL...ASAP!!!
Reply:It is possible that what e is doing could be considered stalking, she may be ableto get a restraining order. If I were her I would contact local police soon and ask what her options are. Also, document, keep letter etc to prove what he is doing.
skin disease
Are there any laws to protect a lady from mental harassment?see details!?
Now first read this: - Whoever threatens another with any injury to his person, reputation or property, or to the person or reputation of any one in whom that person is interested, with intent to cause alarm to that person, or to cause that person to do any act which he is not legally bound to do, or to omit to do any act which that person is legally entitled to do, as the means of avoiding the execution of such threat, commits criminal intimidation.
This fellow has been harassing you %26amp; making you to go out with him even on your refusal but still he continues all this don't you think he is committing criminal intimidation as defined above? If you think he is then this man can be charged for Criminal Intimidation under section 506 of the Indian Penal Code. So what for you are waiting make a complaint against him for criminal intimidation under section 506 IPC. But mind you this man is crazy for you %26amp; I feel loves you so give a second thought to this too!
Reply:She can go to Police, Councillor, Parents, Friends etc. for assistance in mental harassment.
Reply:he is stalking her call victim witness program get a restraining order press stalking charges
Reply:yep go hire an attorney, and sue the pants off him
Reply:he is courting,listen to him,tell him u do not like him.
Reply:go visit the local police and request a restraining order against him . If he breaks the terms of the order the police can arrest him at once .
if your workplace has any security tell them this guy is harrasing you and request that they dont let him in .
Reply:Go see a lawyer, tell him she will see a lawyer if he does not let her alone. She does not have to tell him any thing just see a lawyer. But for old time shake she may try this first then follow thru if he does not get it.
Reply:The only solution is to break the friendship. Still she is harassed. She may give complaint to the police.
Reply:Ok, your English is barely legible but it sounds like what this guy is doing is called STALKING in the U.S. The lady can report it to the police and get a restraining order against him. With a restraining order, he can be arrested if he contacts her or comes near her again.
Reply:Obviously the harasser is not the lawfully wedded spouse of the victim. So common law under IPC applies for 'indecent behaviour with intent to outrage the modesty of a woman. It is better to lodge a complaint of stalking in an All-Women Police Station, if one is available at your place or take the assistance of women's activist groups at your place. But, if there is no indecent behaviour at all, then a firm rebuke in the present of bold witnesses, may be friends, colleagues or relatives coupled with threat to lodge police complaint may provide reprieve. Continued stalking may give reason for action as suggested above. Remember, once you approach the police and an FIR is lodged, you must be prepared to spend your time and energy for recoding your statements, appear several times in the court, during trial to testify as a prosecution witness, till the court convicts the offender. No protection can be expected from harassment indirectly or vengeful action during bail period or after conviction. Societal pressure rather by women NGOs would be of better remedy.
Reply:yes there is...stalking...harassment...threating..... know what i'm talking about cuz i've been tho it...It can get physiical very easyly...She needs to call police asap and yes...Most of what he has done is fedural so call police and depending on the state well me the punishment etc...CALL THE POLICE...now she has to press charges...and only her unless she under 18 then her parents do...CALL...ASAP!!!
Reply:It is possible that what e is doing could be considered stalking, she may be ableto get a restraining order. If I were her I would contact local police soon and ask what her options are. Also, document, keep letter etc to prove what he is doing.
skin disease
Do you think man desires and love woman more than woman desires and love man?do you think man is better lover?
we all know that
-man is far more physiscal , he desire woman's body and every part of it from her head to her toes to the limit that some men love women feet and toes but woman doesnt love and desire man's body to that limit
-man is far more visual ... he turned on by just a woman wearing short skirt or open bluse but woman doesnt turned on visually by man's body
-woman try to cover thier shortage of sexual feelings and desires always by saying they are emotional but also man attracted to woman emotionally far more , men who give flowers,gifts , men who kneel and kiss hands and feet,men who say poem....etc
-man is full of testestseron "the hormon of desire" but woman is very poor in it
so do you think man is better lover than woman because he love more and desire more
Do you think man desires and love woman more than woman desires and love man?do you think man is better lover?
NO, I THINK IT WORKS BOTH WAYS
Reply:Man is better lover if he is commited . he is the wors if not
Reply:As quickly as men recover from one partner to another, I'd say no. But I think the man is more likely to need a woman to take care of him in a nurturing way more than a woman needing a man to take care of her that way.
I have noticed men jump much more quickly into a new relationship ...doesnt that mean that they can move on mentally and physical more easily than women? Doesnt make him a 'better lover' makes him a more 'needy' partner.
Reply:yah man is better love then women. They don't express their love like girls but they love deeply n more then girls.
nanny
-man is far more physiscal , he desire woman's body and every part of it from her head to her toes to the limit that some men love women feet and toes but woman doesnt love and desire man's body to that limit
-man is far more visual ... he turned on by just a woman wearing short skirt or open bluse but woman doesnt turned on visually by man's body
-woman try to cover thier shortage of sexual feelings and desires always by saying they are emotional but also man attracted to woman emotionally far more , men who give flowers,gifts , men who kneel and kiss hands and feet,men who say poem....etc
-man is full of testestseron "the hormon of desire" but woman is very poor in it
so do you think man is better lover than woman because he love more and desire more
Do you think man desires and love woman more than woman desires and love man?do you think man is better lover?
NO, I THINK IT WORKS BOTH WAYS
Reply:Man is better lover if he is commited . he is the wors if not
Reply:As quickly as men recover from one partner to another, I'd say no. But I think the man is more likely to need a woman to take care of him in a nurturing way more than a woman needing a man to take care of her that way.
I have noticed men jump much more quickly into a new relationship ...doesnt that mean that they can move on mentally and physical more easily than women? Doesnt make him a 'better lover' makes him a more 'needy' partner.
Reply:yah man is better love then women. They don't express their love like girls but they love deeply n more then girls.
nanny
What is romantic for you?
Our hotel (Hotel du Jeu de Paume in Ile Saint Louis, Paris) celebrate its 20th birthday this year. We are located in the most romantic place of Paris. And for thisevent we would like to make some special offers for romantic visitors. I will appreciate if you tell me what is romantic for you, what you are expecting from a romantic hotel (flowers, gifts, romantic guide of paris, etc...) You can have a look on our website http://www.jeudepaumehotel.com.
What is romantic for you?
Thats really sweet!
I would honestly suggest you do something special for those honeymooners/couples like getting them complementary champaigne in the ice bucket in their room, a fun way to eat like those chocolate fountains/fondue and maybe set up the bath tubs/ jacuzzis with rose scents and petals as well as setting up rose petals on the bed.
Really pretty but Im pretty sure the cleaning lady wont be that happy cleaning up the tubs and rose petals all around!
Shoes
What is romantic for you?
Thats really sweet!
I would honestly suggest you do something special for those honeymooners/couples like getting them complementary champaigne in the ice bucket in their room, a fun way to eat like those chocolate fountains/fondue and maybe set up the bath tubs/ jacuzzis with rose scents and petals as well as setting up rose petals on the bed.
Really pretty but Im pretty sure the cleaning lady wont be that happy cleaning up the tubs and rose petals all around!
Shoes
How do you overcome hurt in a marriage, and keep it from becoming a toxic resentment from your spouse?
We got married a little early, ok maybe alot early. We engaged after 3 months, and married in 10 months. She was fresh out of a divorce, like 1 month. I was cocky and confident, and her Ex husband seemed to have moved on with his new bride to be. He married later about 5 months before we did, but then only 1 month after we had been married, he sends his new wife packing, and desperately attempts to get my new bride back! Flowers, gifts, CD's, movies, phone calls, and then phone cards to not track his phone calls to her. I know it's her responsibility, and all she has ever given me was excuses. Well later this relationship her and her Ex had formed had all but dissolved into an ugly pile just liek the marriage. Her and I were back on track, and then I discover her and a friend relaying a secret emotional affair through Myspace over and ex boyfriend she was seeing at the end of her marriage with her ex husband. She has 2 children with one dad who is an @ss bag, and 1 from another @ssbag.
How do you overcome hurt in a marriage, and keep it from becoming a toxic resentment from your spouse?
It's extremely hard to rebuild trust once it is broken. She would have to be an open book, her MySpace password, email passwords, cell phone, EVERYTHING an open book until you felt you could trust her again and that takes a LONG time. Personally, because of how many times she's played these games on you, I would have a hard time EVER trusting her again. I'd probably, ultimately have to leave. If you decide to stay, you have to leave it all behind you. You will NEVER forget it, but there's a good reason for that. It's the same reason our brains never let us forget a stove eye is hot the FIRST time we touch it and find out it's not a good idea. Anyway, "He that has nothing to hide, hides nothing", so if she really loves you and wants it to work out, why would she need to hide everything? Saying you caused her "emotional affair" by tracking her is called "avoiding responsibility", and until she admits, realizes and accepts responsibility for her own actions, she is doomed to repeat the same mistakes. I think you're very Nobel for considering staying in this. Now you have to let it go, and letting it go means you cannot keep bringing it up. I would make her attend counseling with me, though, if it were me, because something tells me, this is not over yet. She needs to mature to a place that she turns inwards towards her partner during hard times, and not to other people. A good indicator of future behavior is repetitive past behavior. Keep that in mind.
Reply:I have forgiven my husband for his affair, but I will never, ever forget what he did to me, and the pain I went through. I chose to stay, and we went to marriage counseling which helped immensely, but it takes time to get over it. My husband works with the woman he had the affair with, and I have to drive by the place on my way to work every morning. I would get a knot in my stomach everytime I passed it. Even the mention of the name of the town where she lives would upset me. Any time I heard someone say her name--not talking about her, but anyone with the same name--I would get upset.
I has taken about 8 months, and I fully trust my husband. I am still getting over all of the above, but it gets a little less and less every day.
You said you were working it out, but didn't say if you were seeing a counselor. If not, I highly recommend it. I don't think I would have gotten over this as quickly if we hadn't. If you're wife won't go, then go by yourself. A professional can help you way better than us lay-people on yahoo answers.
Reply:WWW.MARRIAGEFITNESS.COM is a good place to start. It is a great site that will be very helpful in helping both of you.
But here is the even bigger question, can you get over it and trust her? If not then no, this will never work. If you will throw it in her face everytime something bad happens, then you can not make this work.
My biggest suggestion is counseling. Not just marriage counseling either. Both of you need individual counseling to help you get over what has happened to both of you, if you choose to try and make the marriage work. Seperate and together you both need to deal with the issues.
Most likely she was feeling "torn" in the beginning as she was fresh out of divorce. Divorce is like death, you need to grieve it. She was not given ample time to grieve. To get thru the hurt. Instead she found you, and temporarily you put a band aid on it, and then the band aid quit working. Support her in dealing with the issues the best you can, and get help too.
Don't throw in the towel, if you still love her, you can get past this with help!
Reply:there is always counseling .. but to get total trust back sit down and talk openly with her ..tell her exactly how you feel .. tell her if she wants you to trust her shes going to have to do her part ... she should want to give you her passwords to her email or any accounts she has online ..or close them and open up one with you ... nothing should be hiden from either of you ... you should be able to answer each others cell phone etc... good luck .
Reply:Seek steady marital counselling immediately. Commit to at least a year of it if you want to see lasting, important changes.
Tell her it is a condition of staying together. If she refuses, you have her answer about her commitment to you.
I am grieved to hear she has three children and you will be forever linked with these men because of it. What's worse is her irresponsibility toward protecting her current relationship with you, because she is teaching her children that commitment means nothing and Mommie's happiness depends on her feelings of the moment.
You sound like a pretty good guy who was a little naive when it comes to relationships and timing. Even though I think you may feel like you got in over your head with this marriage, some intense counselling can salvage and improve things for all concerned.
Very best of luck to you and your family. It looks like YOU are going to have to stand up and be the hero here.
Reply:1) You should have whipped her ex-husbands a ss the second he start contacting YOUR wife. Your failure to do so made you look weak in front of her and is the reason why she isn't showing you proper respect.
2) Buying stuff is NEVER the answer to gain a woman's respect, in fact, it does just the opposite as they begin to see you as a weak fool to be taken advantage of
3) After all of this, the second you caught her online mesisng around with other men, you should have thrown her out of the house! Again, you are being weak and she is taking advantage of it
I suggest you get some software to record what she is/was doing online and get a divorce lawyer before the women bleeds you completely dry!
Reply:Ok, I've seen this kinda situation happen with a few friends before. Someones marriage breaks up, they meet someone new and fall in love etc...and then here comes the ex...to make trouble!!! I think your wife is scared and hasn't fully let go of the past and her ex is taking advantage of this. It wouldn't work out for them now, but he knows how to push her buttons since they were married before. If this is going to work out with between the two of you, she will need to have better boundaries in general with other men. As for the emotional affair, better boundaries would help, but I think she needed someone to talk to and got too close to the Myspace guy.
As for yourself, you've been very hurt by all of this and are having trouble trusting and getting past what's happened. I think what your feeling in the way of resentment is very normal. You've been through a lot. I hope you can get over what's happened and your wife can stay on the right track with you because your the one who really loves her. If and when your ready, tell her that your the one who really loves her, the other guys are in the past and your her future. Good luck.
loan
How do you overcome hurt in a marriage, and keep it from becoming a toxic resentment from your spouse?
It's extremely hard to rebuild trust once it is broken. She would have to be an open book, her MySpace password, email passwords, cell phone, EVERYTHING an open book until you felt you could trust her again and that takes a LONG time. Personally, because of how many times she's played these games on you, I would have a hard time EVER trusting her again. I'd probably, ultimately have to leave. If you decide to stay, you have to leave it all behind you. You will NEVER forget it, but there's a good reason for that. It's the same reason our brains never let us forget a stove eye is hot the FIRST time we touch it and find out it's not a good idea. Anyway, "He that has nothing to hide, hides nothing", so if she really loves you and wants it to work out, why would she need to hide everything? Saying you caused her "emotional affair" by tracking her is called "avoiding responsibility", and until she admits, realizes and accepts responsibility for her own actions, she is doomed to repeat the same mistakes. I think you're very Nobel for considering staying in this. Now you have to let it go, and letting it go means you cannot keep bringing it up. I would make her attend counseling with me, though, if it were me, because something tells me, this is not over yet. She needs to mature to a place that she turns inwards towards her partner during hard times, and not to other people. A good indicator of future behavior is repetitive past behavior. Keep that in mind.
Reply:I have forgiven my husband for his affair, but I will never, ever forget what he did to me, and the pain I went through. I chose to stay, and we went to marriage counseling which helped immensely, but it takes time to get over it. My husband works with the woman he had the affair with, and I have to drive by the place on my way to work every morning. I would get a knot in my stomach everytime I passed it. Even the mention of the name of the town where she lives would upset me. Any time I heard someone say her name--not talking about her, but anyone with the same name--I would get upset.
I has taken about 8 months, and I fully trust my husband. I am still getting over all of the above, but it gets a little less and less every day.
You said you were working it out, but didn't say if you were seeing a counselor. If not, I highly recommend it. I don't think I would have gotten over this as quickly if we hadn't. If you're wife won't go, then go by yourself. A professional can help you way better than us lay-people on yahoo answers.
Reply:WWW.MARRIAGEFITNESS.COM is a good place to start. It is a great site that will be very helpful in helping both of you.
But here is the even bigger question, can you get over it and trust her? If not then no, this will never work. If you will throw it in her face everytime something bad happens, then you can not make this work.
My biggest suggestion is counseling. Not just marriage counseling either. Both of you need individual counseling to help you get over what has happened to both of you, if you choose to try and make the marriage work. Seperate and together you both need to deal with the issues.
Most likely she was feeling "torn" in the beginning as she was fresh out of divorce. Divorce is like death, you need to grieve it. She was not given ample time to grieve. To get thru the hurt. Instead she found you, and temporarily you put a band aid on it, and then the band aid quit working. Support her in dealing with the issues the best you can, and get help too.
Don't throw in the towel, if you still love her, you can get past this with help!
Reply:there is always counseling .. but to get total trust back sit down and talk openly with her ..tell her exactly how you feel .. tell her if she wants you to trust her shes going to have to do her part ... she should want to give you her passwords to her email or any accounts she has online ..or close them and open up one with you ... nothing should be hiden from either of you ... you should be able to answer each others cell phone etc... good luck .
Reply:Seek steady marital counselling immediately. Commit to at least a year of it if you want to see lasting, important changes.
Tell her it is a condition of staying together. If she refuses, you have her answer about her commitment to you.
I am grieved to hear she has three children and you will be forever linked with these men because of it. What's worse is her irresponsibility toward protecting her current relationship with you, because she is teaching her children that commitment means nothing and Mommie's happiness depends on her feelings of the moment.
You sound like a pretty good guy who was a little naive when it comes to relationships and timing. Even though I think you may feel like you got in over your head with this marriage, some intense counselling can salvage and improve things for all concerned.
Very best of luck to you and your family. It looks like YOU are going to have to stand up and be the hero here.
Reply:1) You should have whipped her ex-husbands a ss the second he start contacting YOUR wife. Your failure to do so made you look weak in front of her and is the reason why she isn't showing you proper respect.
2) Buying stuff is NEVER the answer to gain a woman's respect, in fact, it does just the opposite as they begin to see you as a weak fool to be taken advantage of
3) After all of this, the second you caught her online mesisng around with other men, you should have thrown her out of the house! Again, you are being weak and she is taking advantage of it
I suggest you get some software to record what she is/was doing online and get a divorce lawyer before the women bleeds you completely dry!
Reply:Ok, I've seen this kinda situation happen with a few friends before. Someones marriage breaks up, they meet someone new and fall in love etc...and then here comes the ex...to make trouble!!! I think your wife is scared and hasn't fully let go of the past and her ex is taking advantage of this. It wouldn't work out for them now, but he knows how to push her buttons since they were married before. If this is going to work out with between the two of you, she will need to have better boundaries in general with other men. As for the emotional affair, better boundaries would help, but I think she needed someone to talk to and got too close to the Myspace guy.
As for yourself, you've been very hurt by all of this and are having trouble trusting and getting past what's happened. I think what your feeling in the way of resentment is very normal. You've been through a lot. I hope you can get over what's happened and your wife can stay on the right track with you because your the one who really loves her. If and when your ready, tell her that your the one who really loves her, the other guys are in the past and your her future. Good luck.
loan
I love this girl but can't be with her...?
There is this girl who I am in love with her and I know she sort of likes me (we aren't friends...just acquantances). The thing is that I am very sick, and I mean sick (can't get into details but I want be around very long). But I am doing things to express an entire lifetime of love into this one girl for the next 2-3 months...like flowers, gifts, etc...and I don't want her to think i'm comming off too strong, i just want her to feel special...even though i love her, i'm doing this more for me than her because I won't ever get a chance again, what should I do?
I love this girl but can't be with her...?
Does she know about your condition? I mean, she might understand your strong efforts more if she knew. Either way, yea, I think you should take your chances and express yourself anyway you want -- flowers, etc. Good luck with everything.
Reply:Go for it but explain your situation to her so she's prepared. like you said you wont do this again so go for it now.
Reply:You have to be brave when you are in TRUE love...But at the same time you must be honest and tell her about your situation...The thing is that I am afraid If she accept your love proposal she would do it because of your situation not because of YOU. So, you have to consider her love as PERMENENT life aspect...
Hopr u the BEST...
Reply:If I was there I would take you out to Tijuana and let you shack up for one night witha lovely Tiera babe and I'm sure you will rest afterwards and then your hormones will go back to normal.
puppy teeth
I love this girl but can't be with her...?
Does she know about your condition? I mean, she might understand your strong efforts more if she knew. Either way, yea, I think you should take your chances and express yourself anyway you want -- flowers, etc. Good luck with everything.
Reply:Go for it but explain your situation to her so she's prepared. like you said you wont do this again so go for it now.
Reply:You have to be brave when you are in TRUE love...But at the same time you must be honest and tell her about your situation...The thing is that I am afraid If she accept your love proposal she would do it because of your situation not because of YOU. So, you have to consider her love as PERMENENT life aspect...
Hopr u the BEST...
Reply:If I was there I would take you out to Tijuana and let you shack up for one night witha lovely Tiera babe and I'm sure you will rest afterwards and then your hormones will go back to normal.
puppy teeth
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